Sometimes we can long for, and welcome, change. Sometimes it can seem like
the world, as we know it, ceases to be when something important to us changes.
And this, of course, is true.
Nothing ever will be the same again. We cannot, indeed, step into
the same river twice.
And life will go on shifting and changing. Life is both difficult
and chaotic, with suffering and injustice and pain. And life is
also possibly the most fun you’ll ever remember. And life can seem
like hell on earth, and life is joy and love and delight in very
day.
When a loved one, or someone close to you dies, or when everything
that helped you feel secure is swept away, it can feel as if the world itself
has lost all meaning. With trauma, loss, bereavement and physical or emotional
pain we can feel truly isolated and quite separate, and distant, from everyone
around us.
In my experience, having well-meaning friends tell you they know
exactly how you feel can be quite common, but not particularly helpful.
Intelligent, caring counselling provides a safe, supportive and
empowering alliance. A space, and a place, where you can be listened to,
heard and respected. Where you can express and experience your deepest fears
and feelings, without embarrassment or shame, and without having to worrying
about the other person.
And in that space, you can be supported, knowing that loss and
grief is a process, not an event. And supported too, when you are ready,
to take the steps to consciously and thoughtfully begin to untangle, redirect,
or recreate your life.
When our life circumstances change, it can be both an energising
challenge and/or a fearful and worrying position to be in. But change is
the only constant. And we need to meet that change.
And there can be times when we know we need to move on in our lives,
but the fear of change, and fear of the unknown, keeps us locked
into the familiarity of what we already know. We may use all our energy
and time trying to change things inside a situation,
rather than risk changing the situation itself. As Bonhoeffer noted:
The patterns of our lives change with the seasons, with moving on, with
birth, with growth, with the passing of time, and with the many natural
and necessary transitions we make throughout our lives.
Sometimes change occurs naturally. Sometimes it is imposed on us.
Sometimes things go smoothly and sometimes they don’t go anything
like the way we expected, but still we must adapt and change, to continue,
and to survive.
Darwin is often misquoted as saying life was about…“the survival
of the fittest.” But Darwin was speaking, not of the survival of the ‘fittest’,
but of those who could adapt quickly to changes in their environment.
Different ages and stages of life, or transitions, and different problems
and situations, bring their own specific challenges and opportunities.
Having a mature, professional therapist to talk things over with
helps us take care of ourselves, and develop the Clarity, Self- Awareness
and Emotional Intelligence that empowers us to make the best possible adaptive
adjustments and choices in our lives.